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balsamandashMore lists. Lists are good. Lists are useful. I need to stop immediately brainresonating to "dear [x], here is a list of things" every time I go to start one. But lists are good.
- names
- adding on to mine. i feel like i want more to it. there's a middle name i have an eye on because i'm fond of one of the diminuitives and don't hate the sound of the full thing, i just... feel silly using it and can't tell you why.
- writing pseudonyms. i still don't mind Morgan Byrne, i just... don't know. for that matter i still like The Witchy Wordsmith as a... not penname but a writerly identity? but doing things with it is hard.
- religion
- how to start looking for a fitting pantheon/patron
- if i want to make an altar when i move. how, where, and what i would do with it.
- learning to meditate or finding a replacement for it as a practice.
- working with connections.
- rediscovering tarot.
- kink
- whether this wanting of things is a general restlessness trying to find a home or an actual desire.
- people
- how to learn to talk to them when i want to
- self-care
- mental health diary. physical health diary.
- scents to ground with. routines to ground with. how to make them.
- things that comfort even when hurting. things that make me laugh even when sad.
- "it is useful knowledge for living to have a list of things that are good no matter what."
- ways to remind myself i am worth self-care when i don't feel like i deserve it.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 05:09 am (UTC)Do the thing! I also want to know what the name is, cause I'm curious. Also, I need to pick a pseudonym that I feel comfortable with long term, though I'm seriously thinking it is going to wind up being letters and a last name. Right now I really like S. (Sebastian) M. (Mallory) Thorne but who fuckin' knows if I stick to that or if i find a first/middle name that I really click with.
Names dude, they are fuckin' weird.
Also, I use Georgia on a lot of my work=writing things and I keep coming back to Georgia Barnes. Tell me I am being ridiculous.
Religion:
Were you looking for a thing you could move? Because I was thinking about it and if you wanted, I bet we could get another thing like what i have by my bed, glue some wood to make a base and have that be the thing you put it on. I'm clearing out the space next to the bookshelf with the clothes and the box of books, so we can put it there.
Kink:
Talk to me dear? I don't know what's going on in your brain about this one but I may be able to help? Or something? We'll see.
Self care:
Do you want a physical diary or a virtual one? A physical one might not be a bad thing, as can start making ties to grounding and whatnot with it. Just a thought
Scents, I can probably help you with, or we can hit up the mall and go to Bath And Body and Lush and get an idea of what you like for calming/comforting things
Other things...we can work on? I don't know.
And that's it, that's my commentary!
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 05:18 am (UTC)As for me: Uuuugh, I still feel silly and I don't know why, but -- Andromeda? I still like Meda as a name. And both August Andromeda and August Andromeda Thorne have a rhythm/pattern that sounds nice to me? I can't even tell you how/why but they do.
Religion: Maaaaaybe? Movable is nice because if I get to the habit of doing rituals I can drag it to the middle of the room but. Bah. Altars are weird. Religion is doing weird things to my brain right now, don't mind me.
Kink: I... words are hard? I just. Want things. And I'm not even sure what anymore. I just. Want things. I'm trying?
Self-care: On the one hand physical seems like a good idea. On the other, I think I am more likely to keep up with something virtual, and possibly that is put in a place where more than just me can see it.
Yeah, that sounds like a plan. We will hit things next week or something? <3
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 05:26 am (UTC)Yeah, I know I'm a little bit but it sounds good? Like, in my head the names work. And even if I were to Georgia S. Barnes or Georgia M. Barnes, they work, y'know?
Religion: I will keep an eye out for another, or if not, I will re-purpose the one we have. I need to clear it off and wipe it down anyway, so adding some wood on top wouldn't be a big deal and even if you don't use it, having a steady surface by my bed won't be bad.
Kink: Well, can you tell me what you're not thinking? Like what are the things you don't want or feel like you don't need right now. Alternatively, you can seriously just babble at me through IM or the phone if need be.
Self care: Okay, how about both? You can turn it into a bit of a habit/ritual thing in which you write in the virtual journal and then pick a day wherein you plug in the highlights into a paper and pencil one. It can be a while thing wherein you take a bath, put a scent you like, or light candles or whatever and plug in the notes for the week/month/whatever.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 05:48 am (UTC)It does sound good! I encourage the thing to be honest. Please don't think I wasn't encouraging the thing. Encouraaaaage.
Religion: <333333 That works for me. And. Yes. Thank you. Things.
Kink: I don't know? I don't know what I want or don't or anything. Everything is kind of boiling over. I think the disconnected with people/displeasure with self is just trying to channel itself into the area and words are not... really presenting themselves. If I can scrape them up I will share them but I don't even have them for myself.
Self-care: Maaaaaaaybe? Mrrrh, maybe. I might start brainstorming things I'd want ot keep track of (because having a template might be easier than saying "start writing about how you feel!") and figure it out from there.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 06:00 am (UTC)I am doing the thing. I feel horribly silly but I am doing the thing.
Religions: Woooosh! I will talk to my mom about getting some plywood and what we need to do to get it set up.
Kink: Mmmkay. Well, I am still here to listen if you need me to, okay? I love you and wanna help where I can.
Self care: If you do a template, let me know? I could probably use it too, as I would really like to get into a similar habit (an dneed to for my therpay anyway).
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 06:08 am (UTC)And YAAAAAAY. :D
Selfcare: I will shove the template at you when I get it done or as I get it done. I don't know if what works for me will for you, but.
And just in general, hearts. a million hearts. aaaall the hearts.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 06:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 06:04 am (UTC)on names: talking about this upthread but. I really like August Andromeda Thorne. I was considering Meda/Andromeda when I was contemplating namechanges and I still like it. I just feel like I'm not allowed to alter my name anymore.
on pantheons/patrons: So my family has always worked with the Greek gods. I was super super SUPER attached to Artemis as a kid/teen, my mother's patron goddess is Hestia, we use Greeks in our rituals. and that's great but. part of religion right now for me is prodding at things and figuring out what's "actually works for me" versus what's "comfortable and familiar cause my family always has done it". and the Greeks are tied to so much family stuff/writing stuff in my head I don't know if I should fly with them still. but I'm not totally familiar with any other pantheons and when I try to start considering/researching, my head just kind of explodes without having a real start point?
and nothing really jumped out and grabs me; nothing has since I stopped feeling so in tune with Artemis. from the Greeks or elsewhere. so I don't even have a push towards anything right now. and I need to figure out where to go.
on meditation: It's never worked for me. My mother's tried repeatedly to lead me into developing the habit and teach me how to do it. but I am not really capable of doing the 'lie/sit still and dismiss your thoughts' thing. I think it may be part of my varied mental dysfunction, to be honest. Lying/sitting still is something I am literally incapable of; my anxiety spikes when I try it. And the usual sink-down methods don't work for me, because when I become aware of my breathing/body, it spikes my anxiety, I start worrying that I'm gonna stop breathing, and then I just remain very aware of my breathing in a super uncomfortable way.
I can do guided meditation and visualizations to a certain extent, especially if there's a specific goal of it. But the "cleanse your brain and just get in touch with your inner self/the universe" has NEVER worked for me. And so much religion on witchcraft, Wicca, and Paganism note it as not only useful but pretty much a requirement, that I kind of need to shape my brain around the idea of a witchery/religion that doesn't include it.
and. yes. the steam is kind of running out now. I don't know. A lot of things are bouncing in my brain and getting them nailed down is hard but. thank you. I really appreciate you being around and commenting o nthings and letting me babble and -- things. Just. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 07:35 am (UTC)Maybe in looking for deities, you can start with "I'm looking for this in a deity" and see if anyone bites or otherwise shows interest.
As for meditation, just sitting is tough, even if you can just sit and try to let the thoughts go. There's a thought that meditation could be done walking or in motion, whether as a martial art or a nature walk or a labyrinth maze (which, now that I think about it, is hopefully just your thing) and so you could keep practice without having to do bad things to yourself.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 10:04 am (UTC)That's really not a bad idea. I need to do some sitting down and thinking and figuring out what kind of influence I think I need, but. That's more of a starting place than I had, so thank you. <3
Labyrinth mazes are super fantastic for me and things like this actually -- at a Samhain campout I went to once, they had a labyrinth painted on a giant piece of plastic for walking and contemplation/meditation. It was possibly the best thing ever for that kind of mindset, I just do not know how to get that sort of thing into my life when I'm not out on campgrounds, hmm.
Other than that, active-but-ritualistic might work best, I just need to figure things out. I wonder if I still remember my katas from when I took classes.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-03 02:41 pm (UTC)I have seen labyrinth rugs in peoples houses. The not giant, but they are good-sized, and I think that if you could procure one, that would work out. Or maybe get a tarp of some sort and paint a maze on it.
Failing that, yeah, maybe katas or collecting some Tai Chi knowledge.