i'm building a body where our design has failed

We are home! We got back -- uh, almost two days ago now, but I spent Monday night talking to roommate and then passing out, and basically slept or zoned out most of yesterday, so this is my first properly here and awake day. The festival more or less did not go terribly, save for a few issues here and there. Didn't get any readings or make a lot of money, but we got a whole bunch of people taking cards and signing up for mailing lists, so that's exciting, and I got to see a fun musical show, bought some neat things, and discovered a whole new form of divination to play with. And Bast discovered bone readings.

There's a few ideas we have for making our products more eye-catching next time we do this and we're not doing any big festivals until next year, so. Hopefully it goes a little smoother next time.

Now that I'm home I need to do a bunch of work on my mother's stuff, overhaul some stuff on my site, and get my toe dipped into the editing stuff, but this coming week roommate's going on vacation and we're going to be doing a lot of physical cleaning and reorganizing, so that's the main priority.

It also kind of kindled a desire to jump back into magic/religion stuff, which is nice, even if I have no idea where to go with that. I also want to do writing stuff, which, no idea where that came from, but here we are. I keep eyeing smallfandomfest and pod_together though. (As podficcer or writer on that last one, I'm not sure, but man I want to do the thing.) I guess we'll see this week. Work kind of needs to be the front burners, but... words.

I think that's about it -- I am going to get coffee, put on the Mechanisms, and try and get my head in gear for doing something.

Hello new people! I've got a bit of an about-me post here, but I've done a couple friending memes and the revival comm without ever doing a more indepth intro thing, and there may be random things older people just never heard as well, so here is an intro thing. I am generally not great at talking about myself, so we're gonna do this in whatever bits and pieces come to me.

Fair warning: This got really long and rambly. Like, just shy of 1,400 words rambly.

( I've been here before, I know where it goes )

And that is me, uh... out of the nutshell. Definitely not in a nutshell. But that's me, and I'm happy to answer any questions you might want to ask (whether from new people or old people) or discuss whatever, whether it's about stuff I said or totally random. Also, if you want to be on filters to see me ramble about creative stuff, health stuff, or spiritual stuff, there is a poll here to fill out.

And yeah, I think that's finally all I got. Open roads?

I realize I haven't updated in a while, so, I am alive and I am more or less fine. I am failing to get shit done at every turn so I have very little to say day-to-day, unless you want to hear me ramble about being slowly swallowed whole by Overwatch fandom and being annoyed at my own lack of productivity? Because honestly that's all that's really going on right now. That and a bit of RP.

The big brain-draining learn-all-the-shit project I was working on for my mother is done now, though, so I'm kind of hoping that makes it easier to make myself do the other stuff I need to do now that that's not hanging over me -- on the work level, on the apartment level, on the creative level. And speaking of brain-draining work stuff, mother is signed up to vend at PUF this year, which is both excellent - I REALLY wanted to go, and since I'm manning the table with her, I definitely get to - and terrifying - because she's pushing me to do readings at the table too and ahahah I have no confidence about doing professional readings in person whatsoever and I feel sick every time I think about it. We'll see how that goes.

Going to visit family for a least a couple of days in the middle of the month, because my brother and I are going to Brain Candy live, and it's a couple of days before St Pattys, which is a couple of days before grandmother's birthday, so I will probably end up there for at least one if not both. I would complain more, but corned beef and cabbage makes up for a lot of tension.

That's... basically it for the moment?

So I am going back through my journal and tagging posts.

This is bringing a lot of old memes back into view.

If you get reaaaaaally old meme responses from me any time in the next month or two, I am very sorry and hoping you enjoy it.

1. I am still alive; I am working away; content editing on my mother's book is underway tonight, and hopefully we're on the fast track to being done, me getting paid, and putting it out. I am at parents for the next couple of days, though, which is less than ideal, but, eh.

2. I have obviously not started OC-tober-ing. I still kind of want to ramble about something writing-related. We'll see what comes of that, if anything.

3. I am currently kind of hooked on Let's Plays, mostly of cooperative games. On the one hand, this is good background noise right now. On the other, damn does it bring back the desire to play a lot of games I can't do because I need people for them. I'm kind of hoping when I can get more into the swing of planning tabletop it takes away some of that feeling, because it makes my brain go kinda weird at times. (Not enough to stop though, so if you happen to have any LPer recs, drop them at me? I don't do horror games, end of story, but I'm pretty open beyond that.)

4. There is a love meme going:
October Love Meme hosted by alexseanchai: my thread
I could kind of use it right now, if anyone's got kind words to spare.

5. Aaand lastly, I am slowly but steadily setting up my phone, so if you happen to have my number - it's the same one, but I lost all my contacts, so if you can text me with who you are, I'd really appreciate it. If you didn't have my number, and you want it, poke me.

I have spoken to my grandmother, I have talked to my mother, I have laid out my plans.

Tonight (well, 7 am Friday morning when Personnel opens up) I'm putting in my two weeks notice at Walmart.

I am not sure yet if I'm happy or terrified or relieved at the moment, I'm just focusing on trying to talk myself through getting it done.

So I'm alive? I sort of... didn't touch my computer for anything but ordering food for over a week. Honestly, my computer is so fucking slow lately I don't want to be on it, and that's not helping, but. I am trying to get around that and exist again. I need to go back and finish the questions from the last post, but we'll see when that happens.

Standard "I haven't been reading, drop me links if I missed something" disclaimers apply, with a special request: If you're doing OC-tober and want to drop me a link to your tag, or just pipe up and say "I am doing the thing" so I can go through and find the posts, please do so? I definitely want to go back and read everyone's, so that would be neat.

On related notes, my next six weeks or so writing wise: I am not doing NaNo. It kind of hurts to just straight-out not do it, but I just don't have the brain. I am also not doing OC-tober, obviously. Instead, I think I am going to attempt to post character profiles through November, and try to spend the month writing up those, cast lists, worldbuilding info, etc, for various original verses (and maybe some bits for some of the more epic fics I want to write) -- basically all the organizational shit I'm terrible at writing down. Most of it will probably end up on universe comms; some might be on writing filter; some may be public. I'll post a list of links and an opt-in reminder before November starts so that anyone wants to follow can do so.

Which is not to say I won't be trying to write at all, I just won't be trying to hit word counts so much as I will be trying to write something. I have a thought for rainbowfic stuff I think me and Bast are gonna try and be doing when I can clear out a color, and that's exciting, and in general, writing would be nice.

There's other stuff going on, but I just... don't have much to actually say. I just need to try and actually exist on the internet again. It is kind of hard, but I'm working on it.

Hi, still alive. Making a concerted effort to be more existent. We'll see if it works. List form because lists are easier on tired Augusts.

• Was away with Bast the past couple of days for my weekend, so that was good. I don't feel better, exactly, but I feel like I recharged for forcing it for a little longer. So that's... something, right? That's more doable, anyway.


• Still wanting to write, still not entirely sure I'm capable of it. I'm eyeing basically everything with the same mix of half-bouncy "waaaaaaaaaant" and desire to cry. Which is at least better than just the desire to cry?


• Also I need to focus on D&D things at some point in the next couple of days before/after work, so I can run a game Monday. I have SO MANY OVERARCHING PLANS for this campaign and NOT ENOUGH PARTICULARS. I don't suppose anyone wants to be rambled at as I try to find something that might be fun for my group, would they...? (Unfortunately my default ramble-at-er is IN my group. Sigh. How I make things hard on myself.)


• Work is not going to be fun but back-to-school week is just about over and that's kind of cheering to think about. The crowds might actually go down some after this coming weekend. Thank goodness. And there's pizza tonight, so I don't have to spend money for food!


• Entire family is at my grandmother's for a day or two, because my mother's internet is down and she works from home. Sans stepfather, at least, but ugh, so many people. And family stuff is just kind of... weird right now, so.


• Con is looking likelier and likelier. And that's not a BAD thing, I'm actually kind of looking forward to it, but I am now getting that weird back-and-forth on cosplay that I always get before con. I want to do the thing, I just... know I probably won't, for a few reasons. And it makes me sad.


• I am finally remembering to charge my kindle! Next step: Spending the gift card that's been sitting around. Because there are Seanan things I don't have. and/or Boy Meets Boy. I will figure it out this weekend. >>

Hi I'm alive. Exhausted but alive. List form is easier than talking.

> Work is hard. Family is harder. Friends are not exactly hard but I don't entirely feel like I deserve them or have anything to say. This is about where I'm at right now.
> Brains are not a great thing but I am trying really hard not to continuously lose my shit. It's not... entirely working, but.
> I am going to the festival this coming week. I have 9 days off, five of which will be on the road/at the campsite. I'm hoping this does good things for my brain.
> I am also hoping this does good things for my attempts to do some religious thinking. Hopefully expect the religious filter to actually get use following this. Hopefully.
> Writing is really hard. I have an idea for Queers Destroy Fantasy, and I really badly want to write it in time, I'm just... not sure if I will. (Also I have to figure out if I am allowed to set a story in a recognizable store line, or if I should just change it to a Savemart or something in initial writing and save myself the headache.) (Also also, why does this story want to be set locally, I don't like my local area.)