Things are really, really Not Okay, and I'm either going to disappear for a while or be around a lot just to try and not think, I don't know what way it's going to end yet. I've spent three days thinking about family, abuse, shades of grey, boundaries, safety, and when I needed a break from the bad heavy, it keeps swinging into religion and gods. Because what I need is more heavy stuff to think about. Even if I kind of understand why it's doing this.

My head's in a fucked-up place right now, I work tonight, and I don't know what to do with... anything. All I really want is to go hide under a bed, or alternatively, hide out somewhere isolated where I can belt until I stop feeling like I'm going to throw up and instead my throat hurts. I do not get either of those things right now.